Blogs Car Info Our Show Deals Mechanics Files Vehicle Donation

* This post is for humor purposes only * This is the best "for sale" ad for a car I have ever seen

1997 Jeep Cherokee (XJ)
220K Miles
4.0 L in-line 6
AUTOMATIC Transmission
Bright Red
Straight Stock
Crank Windows, no cruise, no tilt, no delay wiper, no nonsense


Here’s the deal, kids:
This is a Jeep Cherokee. This is not a luxury SUV, or a maintenance-free disposable import. It has solid front axles, wind noise, and character.
It’s a Jeep. It rides like a Jeep. It drives like a Jeep. All of these are GOOD things.
It is not new, it is not pristine, it is used. This will be apparent in the pictures.

If you do not own a toolbox, have never changed your own oil, and are scared of firearms: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you get offended easy and often, whine to your co-workers, and complain a lot: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you feel you are owed anything in the world & have an inane job where you fail to produce: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts, or those stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you consider the 2nd Amendment an anachronistic relic and have never owned a firearm: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid things: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.
Do you laugh at danger, and tempt fate?
Have you ever uttered the words, “Hold my beer and watch this …”?
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, “I could hit that from here with the .22 …”?
Have any of your friends quit hanging out because you were too much fun?
Do you have the number of a friend with cash memorized for bail?
When you pass an abandoned flatbed farm truck along a fenceline do you consider taking on another project?
Is your ol’ lady really sick of the random piles of parts, greasy footprints, and empty beer bottles in the garage?
-could you not care less?
Do you have Jalopnik saved on your laptop AND smartphone?
Do you own a service manual for every vehicle you ever owned?
Do you still miss your first ride?
Can you carry on a two hour conversation discussing tools, scars, and hi-lift jacks?
Remember when tool companies had the guts to put half-naked beauty queens on their calendars?
Do you consider the Prius an abominable affront to the Gods of displacement, torque, and All Mighty Internal Combustion?

If you answered in the affirmative to the preceding: THIS IS YOUR JEEP.

-I am the second owner. First owner barely got it dirty and engaged the front axles once.
-I have remedied this excessive caretaking with muddy roads and a pile of fun.
-The motor uses a little oil. How much? I don’t know, I’m not collecting statistical analysis points.
I check the oil, I fill the oil, I drive. Not enough to bother me.
-It leaks a little oil. How much? Not enough for me to care. It has 220,000 miles, Poindexter!
If you have a vehicle with 220K NOT leaking or burning oil, it’s empty!
-Rear bumper has a big crease in it. I dented it backing into a concrete pole. Sober.
We drove away giggling, for the record. Haven’t fixed it.
-Driver’s side door was caught by the wind, whipped forward, got into the LF quarter panel.
-Radiator has a small leak. Pinhole. I can replace the radiator or you can. Really doesn’t matter
A new radiator and hoses will run $145. If you don’t want to replace them I will.
Add $250 to the price of vehicle. This includes radiator, hoses, and labor (beer). A freaking bargain.
-The little 4.0L bullet-proof in-line six starts and runs like the proverbial champ.
-Tranny and 4WD operate perfectly
-Tires will need replaced in a couple thousand miles. I haven’t upgraded because I had plans:
Had planned a small lift, upgrade to 17" Wrangler wheels, and more aggressive tires.
Life got in the way - it ain’t happening.
-Zombie stickers on the right rear window stay. My daughter’s idea, take it up with her.
-Flogging Molly sticker stays as well.

-Why are you selling?
I can’t justify owning it anymore. Motorsickles, kiddos, work, travel, and beer have consumed my time and money.
Someone else needs to appreciate the Jeep for what it is: awesome mechanical artistry.

-What’s wrong with it?
Radiator. Small oil leaks. Driver’s side door cosmetic issues.
And it’s pissed it has been neglected and parked. It needs rescued.

-Does the 4WD work?
Yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.

-Will you sell me the [engine / tranny / rear door / axle / etc.]?
No. I’m not in the salvage business. Buy the Jeep. Love the Jeep. Give the Jeep a home.

-Will you take [insert ridiculously stupid low number here]?
No. If I wanted [ridiculously low number] I would have asked [ridiculously low number]
Want a cheap car? Get your kid that lowered tuner piece of shit honda project down the road.
I think I’m plenty cheap for this bad mofo.

-Why is it still stock?
Because I bought it for a daily driver with the intention of turning it into a project.
I haven’t had the time to do so. So I am selling it.

-Can I put a 6" lift and giant tires on it?
I don’t care. But be sure to use quality components and for God’s sake - get it aligned after a lift!

-Would this make a good car for my daughter?
Yes. Not only a good car, a learning experience. Introduction to vehicular maintenance.
Additionally, there isn’t really enough room in the back for that little twerp she’s dating to try anything.

-Can you deliver?
Within reason. I’d drive it a hundred miles or so. But really, you should come get it. Look it over. Have a beer. Etc.

-Will you take a check / cashier’s check / Western Union Transfer / Nigerian Promissory Note?
Would you take a ball peen hammer to the forehead?
No. I’ll take Cash. Period. Bring cash or don’t show.

-Will you ship to -?
No. See above.

-No, really, all I have is [lowball dollar amount]?
That’s great. Unicef ain’t running this deal, and until they do I want $1750.
Why? Because I don’t HAVE to sell this little beauty. Truth be known, I’d rather keep it.
But if it’s going to a good home - I will sell. Unless you’re a jerk - then no sale.

-Why are you so difficult?
Everything is relative; you should see my friends.

Any other questions, feel free to reply to this email and ask.

What a character but refreshing. The zombie stickers would have to go though.

That’s pretty funny and it’s even in my area. I note the license plate expired last April so catching that up may mean a 400%+ penalty.

If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.

Lol! My coworkers have been all atwitter about pumpkin lattes. Guess they’ll pass on the Jeep.

the guy can write!

My Jeep Liberty owning co-worker is obsessed with pumpkin-spice-latte. She will give up “the jeepster” approximately never. Cherokees are meant to be used,see a couple with full safari roof racks every day on the way to work.

I’ll take a Cherokee over a Liberty any day of the week

In fact, you couldn’t pay me to take a Liberty

Brother in law earns 400k each yr. he bought 90 Cherokee. Drove it for 10 yrs. got a 2000 grand Cherokee. Drove it for 10 yrs. has a new mdx. He likes cream in his coffee.

My cousin is driving the Cherokee that her father bought new, when they stopped making the Cherokee he switched to the Liberty (x2) no word if he plans to switch back to the new Cherokee

I don’t know about Pumpkin Lattes, but I had a large amount of Pumpkin Ale last night. (and am paying for it somewhat this morning) I would buy a Jeep, but my tastes are more Grand Cherokee than stripped down model.

Sounds like a guy living the Jeep dream who bought into it, and has found a way of enticing others down this road of falsehoods. Jeep junk is alive and well as long as the owner can pursued another to follow suit. What ever value the car had early in life is now lost with age and a hyper sell job is needed to have any subsequent owner forget how poor these things “used” really are. Setting up an escrow account devoted to keep it alive just to have a grill with Jeep teeth is the height of Jeep fever.

All people sell older cars for similar reasons. The humor can’t hide the fact he is peeing money away just keeping it. The Wranger is the real deal, the while Cherokee of old held a nitch that has long been filled by more reliable and competent vehicles. The one nitch that it still fills is for the disillusioned. The seller is tapping into it.

People wear their cars like labels…this is especially true of the vast majority of Jeep owners. Look at me, I drive a Jeep ! This and the Ram hemi illusion are the only things that keep Chrysler’s head above water till another forgiven investor comes along.

You may see a Cherokee with safari racks to enhance the illusion.

Cherokees are meant to be used,see a couple with full safari roof racks every day on the way to work.

I wouldn’t consider a Unibody construction SUV something that is meant to be used. While 99.99% of don’t do serious off-roading…a Unibody is fine. But if you want to really use your SUV…you need a body on frame.

@dagosa: I’m guessing this isn’t the vehicle for you. Enjoy your pumpkin latte. (They are good)

What would you say are more competent vehicles? Have you driven a Jeep in the last 10 years?

Gosh @dagosa, tell us how you really feel! That’s OK. You should hear my mechanic talk about them.

My Jeep days are behind me (my midlife crisis has not called them back yet), and now I am mostly a GC type, but since I don’t go off road and also had bad experience with my last Chrysler product, I am driving a Mazda CX-9.

But gotta say, the guy wrote a lengthy ad, did a good job at it too. I am wondering if he was seeping a Starbucks latte while writing it.

That car is not going too far off road either, he knows it and that is why he is selling.

Say what you will about Jeep, but despite them being unibody, as they have for years, they are still designed for off-road use, and can be equipped from the factory with skid plates, etc. Car and Driver ran a comparo a few years ago and took a stock Grand Cherokee along with a Range Rover and some other higher end SUVs and put them to the test on a tough trail. The GC held its own and did very well. No breakdowns, no hassles.

Jeeps are pretty popular around here (same location as the one in the ad) and seem to take the beatings that are inflicted upon them. Many of the rural mail carriers use them and that’s about as severe a service as can be found anywhere due to stop and go use, rough roads, and mud bogging on the really bad delivery days.

If the pictures on that Jeep ad are current then maybe he’s discovered that the penalty for an expired tag is going to severely dent the beer budget, has decided to cut his losses, and let someone else fret over that issue…

Don’t know much about Jeeps, but I’ll toss in a little car humor of my own …

This really happened. Before the internet. The newspaper in my small town in Colorado ran personals in the classifieds, one section was called “glances and glitches”. So if you noticed someone you thought attractive but didn’t know them from Adam, you could put an ad in that section saying something like “I noticed you at the 7-11 Monday, buying a big gulp, driving a red trans-am, if interested call xxx xxxx”.

So I’d read this section first everyday of course. Who knows, could happen. lol … Anyway I laughed out loud when I came upon this entry: "You, blond very attractive female, 20’s, driving new black Mercedes convertible east on highway 40 between Hayden and Steamboat. Me, 57 year old ski bum, driving west in rusted out Ford Galaxy. Contact me if interested at … "

@oblivian "enjoy your pumpkin latte"
I wouldn’t have known how to spell latte without check’n. Seriously, I am not a devout off roader now, but have done a significant amount over the years. Unaltered Wranglers were quite good, Ford products were bad, and the unalted Jeep Cherokee was a pretender to serious off roading. In my experience, we just did not see many of these pretenders, not because they weren’t capable initially, but framed vehicles just required less repair when you returned and towing and winching unibodies can be a nightmare. They are not in the same league as 4Runners, Tacomas, FJs, X Terra’s and the like. But, neither is most other pretend GM off road signature junk either in their truck line. I invite any unaltered Cherokee owner to follow a 4Runner of any year through the wilds. Bring a cell phone and know a good welder when you return.

The unaltered Cherokee’s I have seen lately pretty much stick to the streets, the lifted/big tired ones with safari racks and battle scars are like the two that I see regularly used as commuters during the work week and with mud up to the windows on the weekends. Complete with those bumper stickers that read “If you can read this please flip me over” upside down