I need to issue an idiot driver a fake ticket. A few years ago I could find an assortment of faux tickets, with remediation/consequences, on this site. They were great!
I’d like one that allows me to fill in the violation(s) and particularly remember one that wishes the driver to have the fleas of 100(?) camels infest their armpits.
I’ve searched, but can’t find them. Am I searching wrong or are they gone? Please help me if you can. Thanks,
CSA
Hi CSA. When I search for it, it tells me I’m not authorized to view this page. So I’ll inquire.
Hi Carolyn,
Thanks, I appreciate that!
CSA
I always thought you had superpowers!
Some ambulance chaser probably harassed Car Talk for providing these “official-looking” citations. Who could possibly see through the sham? I’m so afraid I might get one that I might… well, let’s just say my bodily functions are all googly just now.
Anyway, I’m sure an enterprising guy like you could create one in your spare time. Instead of a six hour bike ride tomorrow, cut it back to one hour and use the extra five to create your citation.
$3,95 for a pad of them with free shipping if you have Amazon Prime
I don’t have any spare time, ha, ha! I never go on six hour bike rides. Three hours is my limit (I’m a senior citizen, you know, ha, ha…), but I can cover 35 miles in 3 hours.
I finally bit the bullet and purchased another membership (instead of paying to play each time) at the golf course that we quite literally live in here in the south and I’m on Couple’s League and Men’s League now. I can walk out of the elevator with my pull cart, walk across a couple fairways, and be at the pro-shop in 3 minutes for a tee time.
Then there’s the beach, the pools, pickleball, tennis, kayaking… Haven’t had time for a fishing license, yet… I think I’m going to start beach yoga and Tai Chi, too…
Back to cars, I need a ticket for an idiot driver in our condo complex.
CSA
Thanks for the response.
That’s either copied from Car Talk or a very similar ticket. I’ll see if Carolyn can provide access, first. If my memory (what memory?) serves me, there were several to choose from, depending on the situation, on this site that I could just print on the laser printer.
CSA
It’s Car Talk. Everything is relative.
@common_sense_answer I asked my coworker about the error message I was getting, so I tried a workaround and it appears it was a dead end: the page didn’t survive the last site redesign. @wolyrobb may have your only hope, unless you get to writing like @jtsanders suggested…but if you do enough beach yoga and tai chi, you may not have enough righteous indignation left over. 
That is for your Condo committee to address . You put something on someone’s vehicle like a phony ticket they just might do some thing to yours or who ever they think did it.
Thanks, but that’s already in the works. Several people are complaining about the elderly woman who drives her Infinity SUV too fast through our parking area and they’ve spoken to her, but she’s belligerent. I actually believe she doesn’t realize that she endangers people, walkers (which have a lot of) and drivers, and I really is not aware of her speed or poor driving skills.
Nearly everyone here is very friendly, neighborly, helpful, and in high spirits, and she stands out from the bunch as the bad apple.
As far as placing a ticket on her Infinity, I don’t believe she’d know which person did it, and I thought using a little humor might bring her to some kind of realization.
I figure that one idiot driver going too fast can get away without colliding with another vehicle, but we get some rushing Amazon and Uber drivers, strangers to our 15mph street speed limit and parking area and when one idiot meets up with another idiot at a corner… BOOM!
If we get no satisfaction from our HOA, my wife will go to their management company director.
CSA
looks like your community would benefit from a few speed bumps installed
Thanks for checking.
That’s possible, I guess… I’d just like to see if I can get this old skeleton to do some things it hasn’t done for years. My wife and her sister (living nearby for winter) go to beach yoga and my brother-in-law and I are considering joining them. My wife’s at aqua aerobics right now, but I’d feel out of place with all those females and besides it looks too tame for my exercise regimen.
Back to cars, driving ability, and faux tickets… perhaps the vast brain pool here will come up with creative intervention suggestions.
CSA
Thanks, that has been discussed, but they don’t go in for that type thing around here.
I hate to say it, but the way the person drives, maybe a spectacular crash someplace that she is involved in could be a magic wake-up call. Her husband is disabled and she is the designated grocery runner.
CSA
I have a new neighbor, the elderly single woman with 3 red cars, at least one with a stick-shift.
She seem will need a stick to walk quite soon, but she drives her red Scion like a race driver, getting to the driveway almost full speed and stopping within a couple of inches of her red Lexus 
In her defense, she slows down in narrow spots and for pedestrians, it’s mostly keeping shifter in low gear what makes you to turn around.
Don’t make the ticket look too realistic…in some states it’s against the law.
Has the HOA posted a speed limit? If you are allowed to do that, it might help. I wonder if the police could give her a real citation for reckless driving. It’s a private parking lot, but you could check with the local government if no one has already.
Update: https://www.cartalk.com/content/car-talk-traffic-tickets-0
Hats off to Connie for reviving this one.
In our state police cannot issue traffic tickets on private property. A condo development is more than likely private roads.
First off, a huge Thank You! to Connie and Carolyn! Outstanding service!
I’m eyeing the Boneheaded Driving Maneuver ticket for this occasion.
CSA