This week on Car Talk, we shared the Vatican’s new 10 Commandments for driving. (And no, we’re not kidding. You can read them here.)
And, well, temptation got the better of us. So, we had no choice but to add a few of our own, too!
Now it’s your turn. What “Thou Shalt Not” would you add to Rome’s Top 10? Share it right here.
Honoring thy mechanic’s boat payment due date,
Tom and Ray
Click and Clack the Tappet Brothers
Thou Shalt not drive below the speed limit in the left hand lane.
Thou shalt not fard [sic–look it up in your Funk & Wagnall’s. Hint: it’s nowhere near Sonje Henne’s tutu] in public.
smitti
Thou shalt not drive all the way to the end of the closed lane before cutting in front of meek who have patiently been waiting in the open lane (otherwise the vengeance of Meek will be upon you when they inherit the earth)
If thou maketh to overtake, though shalt “pee or get off the pot”, rather than leave in “idle dimwit speed control” mode.
thou shalt not use god’s name in vain when cursing your car. God didnt make it.
Blessed are those who drive a stick shift, for they shall beat you dead at the lights.
…Except MG’s
Thou shalt remember the rules of Right of Way and keep them Holy, lest thou be considered a nitwit.
One who wanders for 40 days and nights across the 3 lanes of a highway, is probably a female with a cellphone.
Thou shalt never allow thy car to arrive at a destination that thy mind hasn’t arrived at previously.
Shalt not drive off road vehicals on road
Thou shalt not tail gate. Addendum: Thou shalt not jam on thy brakes when being tail gated.
If you think about it, “Thy horsepower shaly not exceed thy I.Q.” covers everything - most people won’t even have cars, and the ones who do will probably not commit idiocies with them. As blissful a vision as this may be, I’ll submit my own Commandment: “Thou shalt respect thine fellow travelers, especially the ones on bicycles, dammit!”
Thou mayest use thy cell phone while driving if calling 911 during road rage.
Thou shalt not hold up everyone else so that you can cross four lanes of traffic and make that left hand turn. The Red Sea only parted for Moses.
Thou shall not linger longer than 10 seconds at a green light, lest the impatient schnook who’s late for work sound his horn
Thou shall delay 10 seconds before sounding thy horn at the driver lingering at a green light, lest ye frighten the malingerer and cause him to delay another 10 seconds
Thou shalt not refer metephorically to your secret purchase of a 1969 Citroen DS-21 Pallas with hydro-pnuematic suspension and swiveling headlights as “taking on a 38 year old French mistress”, lest your wife misinterpret the recent transfer of funds from your bank to an overseas account, and thereby disturbing domestic tranquility.
Remember the stop sign and keep it literal.
Thou shall not tailgate people who are already going above the speed limit, especially if you’re near a speed trap.
Thou shall take thy turn at 4 way stop signs.
Thou shall not take advantage of good drivers by pulling in right ahead of them, unless you’ve already been waiting for 10 minutes, and there’s no other chance for you to get out but to do that. Especially thou shall not cut in front of a driver when there’s nothing but space for miles behind them.
Can we have some rules for bicyclists, too? Like “Wear your helmet if you have a working brain and want to keep it that way” or “Do not ride your bike in the middle of the road, especially a one-lane road.”
Kris L.