Features for King Tut's Chariot


#1
This past week, King Tut's chariot arrived in New York City. That's right -- the actual jalopy a young Tut used when gallivanting about his kingdom. (There was even a little hold-up at Customs, involving the vehicle identification number. You can hear Tom and Ray describe it, right here.)

The arrival of said chariot got us thinking: what would have been on the "Monroney" -- that listing of features, accessories and specifications on the inside window of each new car -- for the King's new chariot?

For example:

UNIVERSAL PYRAMID OPENER.

--14 CHALICE HOLDERS.

--EGYPTIAN COTTON SEATS.

--HYBRID DRIVE SYSTEM?IT RAN ON HORSES AND VANQUISHED OPPONENTS.

--MUD FLAPS WITH A SILOUETTE OF THE HIGH PRIESTESS.

--AUTOCRATIC TRANSMISSION.

--ETERNALLY SEALED BEARINGS.

--EARLY VERSION OF THE ODOMETER? WHICH WAS A GUY NAMED ODOM, WHO RAN ALONGSIDE AND COUNTED MILES.

--OPTIONAL FRAMSES OIL FILTER.

--PTOLEMAIC BRONZE COIN HOLDER FOR PARKING METERS.

--A BUMPER STICKER THAT SAYS "RAMSES II IN '08." AND HE MEANT 0-8.

AND?.MOST IMPORTANTLY?

--AN EXTENDED AFTERLIFE WARRANTY.

What else would have been on the Monroney for King Tut's chariot? Let us know what suggestions you have -- share them right here!


#2

Run [your enemy] flat wheels with spoked rims.

Variable horsepower.

Zero environmentally harmful emissions. Well, that’s if you exclude methane from the list.


#3

“My other car is a sedan chair” bumper sticker.


#4

Free air conditioning. (speed dependent)
Options include:

Restraint system (as some think falling out caused his broken leg that led to his death)

Bow and arrow rack.

Spinner wheel cutting hubs.

Headlights (they go on the horses heads)

Cordless Cigarette lighter (a used car dealer actually used that in his ads but I’m thinking a bic lighter)

Onboard GPS (on the floor board)

Turn Signals

Orange triangle (ala amish Buggy)

Sword holder

Dung beetle deflector

Additional 2 horsepower adapter

I like the bumper sticker idea, B.L.E. how about
I brake for Never Mind.
Mummy on board
Denial is a river in Egypt


#5

-A bumper sticker that says “Ankh if you love Ra!”


#6

Most Egyptologists are in denial, but this bumper sticker beats them all.