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Car accessory madness

What is the craziest, stupidest, most unfunctional car accessory you have ever seen?

Let me start a list with a few items:

  1. Spinning wheelcovers,
  2. Huge spoiler on the back of a 20 year old Honda Accord,
  3. Monster stereo in the car, where you can’t even hear the music because all the sheetmetal is rattling …

Please continue…

On Double Diesel Dualie Pick-Ups, a trailer receiver cover in the form of a large scrotum with testicles swinging in the breeze…A really nice touch…

Oh Caddyman I forgot about the trucknuts…

I agree, I was behind a guy one day that had those hanging-just absolutely disgusting. I can’t imagine anyone making them, selling them, let alone buying and displaying them. Sheesh.

I still like the guy I saw in Minneapolis many years ago. He had a big Caddy with wide whitewalls and big brimmed hat, but the car was coated in green velvet flocking. Like you used to get with those dog model kits to simulate fur. I 'spose it impressed the girls as he was taking them to their next appointment. Reminds me of the joke: “The Doc said I was impotent so when youz impotant, youz got to look impotant and act impotant”.

Well, there are certainly a lot of useless, non-sensical aftermarket accessories out there, but IMHO, the stupidest one I have seen is the “chrome gas-filler door”. I don’t think that this was available for a wide variety of models, but I have seen a fair number of older Hondas and Toyotas sporting a phony chrome-finish gas-filler door.

Since these cars have almost all been true “beaters” with extensive body rot and multiple dents, I have to question how the presence of this shiny, silvery-looking gas-filler door in the middle of a dull, scarred old fender enhances the look of these cars.

Another questionable accessory is the stick-on fake air vents that people place on their front fenders. But, as dumb (and fake) as these usually look on the fenders, my favorite was an older VW Jetta that I saw recently, whose owner had decided that those fake vents looked really good on the front doors of the car.

Yup! That’s what all cars really need…air vents in the front doors!

huge rims with skinny, bicycle tires on trucks/SUVs

Bullet hole decals.

I’ve seen snow tires mounted on the REAR wheels of a front drive VW Rabbit which had normal all seasons on the front.

There’s a bunch of them but those trucknuts are about as low class as one can get. One kid running around here has a riced out Civic with some that are nearly dragging on the pavement. Apparently the word “dignity” is not in his vocabulary; assuming he even knows what a vocabulary is.

Snow tires on the rear of a Rabbit? What in the heck were they thinking. You surely don’t suppose that the owner thought the rear wheels were the driven ones?

There’s a guy who used to run around here in a plain old Neon with a wing on the back and the hood removed. He had decorated the entire car with yellow stripes including some items under the hood and on a red car this really clashed.
This had all been done with crime scene tape. The glue had come loose in places so as he passed by one could see various lengths of yellow tape fluttering in the breeze.

I think those p/u hitch bull balls are included with the plate renewal in Alberta.

paint job by Krylon

"I’ve seen snow tires mounted on the REAR wheels of a front drive VW Rabbit which had normal all seasons on the front. "

I think that I may have related the following tale previously in this forum, but…

Back around 1969-70, I was out walking after a heavy snow storm, and I came upon a woman trying to get her brand-new Toronado out of a large snow bank. The first thing that I noticed was that the front tires were spinning. The second thing that I noticed was that only the rear wheels had snow tires mounted on them!

I thought that I would help her out with a bit of shoveling, but first I wanted to point out to her that her snow tires should have been mounted on the front wheels, and that she needed to have the tires switched, front-to back. Her response was something to the effect of…Listen dummy, the front wheels are turning just fine. It’s the damn rear ones that won’t turn, so I don’t think that I need your advice.

I responded, “You know what? You’re right! Have a nice day”, and I went on my way.

@VDCDriver ; Some years back I read a crime thriller where the villain made a fast getaway in his Cadillac Eldorado. “The powerful car threw gravel from its spinning rear wheels as he sped away!”

All El Dorados of that era were front drive as were Buick Rivieras andf Olds Toronados.

Good research is the key to good writing!

I laugh at so many automotive status symbols, and then I see these

http://www.saksfifthavenue.com/main/ProductDetail.jsp?FOLDER<>folder_id=2534374306418049&PRODUCT<>prd_id=845524446490690&R=886334108977&P_name=Giuseppe+Zanotti&N=4294912181+306418049&bmUID=jEOZSee

and the spinning wheel covers don’t look quite so ridiculous. I can’t imagine spending $1,000 to be tortured when wearing them.

About 10 years ago I was coming back from Texas and was on I-35 about 20 or 30 miles south of Fort Worth. I see an odd looking shape approaching from the other direction and it baffled me completely as to what it might be.

As the car passed I noted it was a Smart Car and this was before they were offered for sale to the public. This thing was painted in bright blue and yellow and what made it stand out even more was this huge wing affixed to the back. The wing protruded out about a foot on either side of the car and about 2 feet above the roof line. There was some lettering on the side but I could not make that part out.

Whether this thing was some kind of a test mule or not I have no idea but it was hideous beyond belief. I couldn’t even imagine wrestling that thing due to passing truck turbulence on that huge wing.

Nothing today compares with accessories of the 1950s. Here is my list:

  1. Swan hood ornament so your car would look like a Packard that came from the factory with a swan hood ornament.
  2. Fake portholes so that your car would look like a Buick that came from the factory with fake portholes.
  3. Fishtail lights to mount on the rear fenders of Chevrolets and other A-body GM cars so that your car would look like a Cadillac that came from the factory with fishtail tail lights.
  4. Large chrome air horns to mount on the front fenders.
  5. Musical horns that you could use to play different tunes as you drove along.
  6. Lighted right front fender guide so that you would know where your right front fender is.

These accessories and more were offered by both Sears Roebuck and Montgomery Ward in their catalogs.

Moving to the 1970s, you could get a replacement hood for your VW Beetle so make it look like a Rolls Royce, or, for the more modest, a replacement hood to make the VW look like a 1940 Ford.

Also, let’s don’t forget the “port-a-walls” to make your car look like it had real white sidewall tires. Also, the white sidewall tires were a rather useless option.

I also remember my dad bought a 1947 DeSoto that came with a lighted hood ornament. This was a factory option. A hood ornament was really a useless addition to the car, but a lighted one is even more ridiculous.

I’m certain that I’ll recall more of these useless accessories.

Any hoodscoop on any 4 cylinder vehicle.

Back in the early 80s Subaru offered a 4 door sedan model that was designed to mimic a Lincoln Town Car. It had an overstuffed vinyl roof, round opera windows on the C pillars, and was slathered from one end to the other, both inside and out, with cheesey electroplated gold plastic.
Only a few of these things were built and they would definitely make someone nauseous…

You folks are starting to hit pretty close to home here and I’m squirming a little. Those fake white walls worked pretty good. And hood and fender ornaments where kinda helpful in knowing where your car was. 'Spose ya gotta problem with skirts and visors and rear antennas and spinners and dogs with turn signal lights in the back window and steering wheel spinners with scantily clad babes and and . . . too huh?

paint job by Krylon

http://www.rickwrench.com/index79master.htm?http://www.rickwrench.com/50dollarpaint.html