What is the “least” smart thing you’ve ever done to a car? I would have said what is the “stupidest” thing you’ve ever done, but I’ll bet that at the time, it did not seem so stupid…
This topic came to me when I saw the following web site and the “innovative” ways folks have used their imagination to address an issue with their car.
OK, I’ll bare my soul first. I’ve told you all about my first car, a 1954 Dodge Meadowbrook, that I bought in '65, a year before I could even get a driver’s license…
But what I did not tell you is that about a year after I started driving, I received several tickets for driving on “bald” tires. I did not have the money to buy new tires and back then, there were no businesses that sold or rented used tires. In retrospect, I do not know why I did not try to scrounge up old tires from a gas station or hit up a junk yard for tires…
I knew I had to get some tires before going to court to pay the fines because the county judge had a reputation of asking if the problem had been fixed and he would stop court and go outside and take a look. He did that to me a month previously when I was ticketed for “inadequate” exhaust. I had replaced the stock muffler with a “resonator,” which is a shorty muffler that can really give your car a much “beefier” sound. To my dismay, too beefy… I put the old muffler back on and sure enough, Judge Tepedino (who I appeared before about 10-times over 4 years…) did ask if I had fixed the muffler and was the car outside, I said I did fix it and we went outside. Because my '54 was like a “quiet purring kitten”, he fined me only $5.00.
Interesting side note to the muffler story; a couple of guys I knew also had been ticketed for various violations (speeding and no brake lights) were there and I stayed until they were seen so we could all go out later. Another guy also was ticketed for a bad muffler, when he was asked if he fixed the muffler, he kind of sneered, “Yeah…” When asked if the car was outside, he said no. Judge T. fined him $25 and when he asked why he was fined so much When the “other guy” (me…) was only fined $5.00, Judge T. said, “He fixed his muffler, I do not believe you did…”
But, back to me being “less than smart” (actually really Stupid). A neighbor had an old, really old pickup in his back yard. I seem to remember it being a late 1940s Studebaker. His kids played it, and it was there when he bought the house. He told me the tires still held some air and if I put it up on blocks so the kids could turn the steering wheel, I could have the tires. I took one look at them and my '54 used 14" on dodge rims, these were 16" and they were huge. My neighbor said don’t worry, maybe the bolt pattern will fit.
So, this is the first moment of “Stupid is as Stupid does…” I do not pull one tire and check to see if my spare with fit the truck, I jack up the truck, remove all four tires replaced the tires with cement blocks. I even blocked up the front end so the steering wheel would spin lock to lock…
The moment of truth comes when I try to fit the truck tires on the Dodge. The trucks bolt pattern is much wider than the Dodge’s. My neighbor looks at it and says he can fix it, he’s seen this done before. He goes home and comes back with a big chisel and hammer and starts cutting into the rim to make the lugholes oblong, so the rim will fit the smaller bolt pattern, after 5-minurtes of chopping into the steel, the rims fits my dodge.
We get some big washers and put the lug nuts on backwards and Wa-La. I’ve got “legal” tires for my court appearance. My Dodge originally had black rims, and these rims were red. I spray painted them black to match the back rims and the spray paint kind of concealed the washers and the backward lug nuts.
One particular note is that these tires on the front end stood a lot taller than the back tires, which was kinda cool. However, our chopping on the lug holes did not make for e a symmetrical mounting of the tires. Both tires turned a bit off-center. When I drove real slow, the front end would slowly raise and lower like a boat does when you travel into small waves. When the tires were out of sync, the car sort of rocked with the left side rising as the right side lowered…
I could not drive the car over 40 as the off-balance tires really started to thump. But they were cheap…
So, how long did I drive on these, about three weeks. I was hot-dogging around a left turn when the right front rim rips through the washers and lug nuts. The wheel gets jammed into my wheel well, and we slide off the road. Luckily, other than denting the backside of the fender and deforming the wheel well, there is no other damage. I jack it up, put my bald spare on and limp home, not knowing if the left wheel would hold up.
I got my first charge account with Western Auto and bought five new tires.
OK, so Stupid is as Stupid does… As a teenager, I never thought about the consequences of making these “old, really old” tires fit a car they were not made for and in retrospect, I’ve got to wonder why my seemingly mature, intelligent adult neighbor thought this would be a good idea.
