Fianc?s Disagree

He’s wrong. You have one car and I’ll assume you pool all resources otherwise. Now if you’re a “my money” vs. “your money” thing, then this could surely appear like a “we’re in this together!! What’s yours is mine …and what’s mine …is …well…mine”.

So, if the car is vital to the two of you, and you’re pooling resources, then you’re already paying for the car. If not, then you’re sequestering your own resources that should be applied to the vehicle commensurate with how vital it is to YOU.

There is no issue with car.

You need to address it as a relationship issue and see where it goes.

My only advice you can ignore is, your twenties(if there) are for you to figure out yourself and your fiance to figure himself. You grow and it can be together or apart and both are great things.

Just as rocketman has stated ( and probably a few others) this has nothing to do with car longevity. It has everything to do with selfishness and immaturity. He drives it long distances to see HIS friends and HIS family in HIS car but you are not allowed because it is HIS car and not yours.
Obviously you believe he is a great guy, otherwise you two would not be getting spliced but since he is a human he has issues. Can you deal with this one? Marriage is not a 50-50 relationship but it is 100-100. Does he have you as a priority 100% of the time. I would hope that if he does he would gladly lend his car so you can be with your family. How do you see them? Borrow someone else’s car, your family has to come up or do have to ride near the outhouse/bathroom in a greyhound bus?
This also shows a lack of respect and trust. There are several ingredients in a good marriage and respect is a main item. An absence of respect will dry up love between you and marriage will be something the two of simply endure.
BUT, guys typically mature later than girls and after a few years of marriage he may grow into the prince you see in him.

On a lighter note, if I had a Neon I would love it if someone toasted it for me. (joking)

JennieLynn, have you looked into taking a Greyhound bus to visit your family?

You need to wait until you are married before you start bossing your fianc? around and telling him what to do with his car. If you get too bossy too soon, he might come to his senses and realize how overbearing you are.

We cannnot resolve this. It is, in fact, his car, and if he feels he doen’t want you to drive it to visit your parents for whatever reason it’s his right to not let you take it.

If he would prefer that you not take his car for that drive, you need to respect that. Rent a car. His being willing to take his car to visit friends 45 minutes away, of to visit his parents 1.5 hours away, does not mean he has to let you take his car to visit your parents. He’s paying (or paid) for it. He pays the maintenance, the insurance, the cost to purchase. He owns the car solely and totally. It’s his call.

When you buy your own car, you’ll get to make the call. Meanwhile, rent a car.

When you ultimately marry and things begin to be jointly paid for and owned, the situation will change. You may not realize that now, but things will be very different.

Next question to pose to him ;
visiting your family WILL be done,
just how does HE suggest you accomplish this ?

Youall are now a team, all resources are pooled. There’s no more ‘mine and yours’.
When both incomes are pooled , expenses ( like car repair ) become automatically divided by percentage.

As others have stated,
Here is a KEY relationship deal breaker.
It may only be the use of a car now
but this power play, and how you both handle it, is a clear indicator of your future.

What strikes me as strange is that your fiance’ doesn’t seem to be going with you to visit your parents, nor do you seem to be going with him to visit his parents. Is there a reason for this?
I loved to go with my wife, both before and after we were married to visit her parents. My parents lived in the same town–in fact for a while they lived just down the street. I think my parents may have liked it better when my wife came by herself than when I came with her.

Have you articulated this to your fiance as well as you have here, are you treating him fairly, are you not an erratic driver and does he not dislike your family? If so, then he either has to do some growing up to do or more of this selfish behavior in similar ways is your future.

Oh I dunno. Guys are kind of protective of their cars. I’m trying to think back whether my wife ever used my car or not. I think maybe once or twice but not on a regular basis. We just had our 35th anniversary and I just got a new car for my commute. She was a little miffed that I put the second key fob in the trunk instead of giving it to her. She kind of expected to have her own key. I said I would get another key made if she wanted but working 50 miles away, I need a second key close at hand. I don’t know when she would ever drive it-guess it was just the thought. After 35 years, I’m still not clear on everything. I’d consider just buying a car of your own though.

As a parent, the first question that came to my mind was: Who bought that car?

If the car was provided by his parents, then it probably came with strings attached, such as “We expect to see you once in a while” and “You are not to loan out this car” My daughters were under strict orders not to loan out their cars to friends when they were in school.

If he is concerned that you will wreck or otherwise trash the car, at least he has the good sense not to tell you his real concerns. However, if the car can go to visit friends but cannot go to see your parents regularly, I think you need to carefully consider whether this guy has long-term potential.

I would certainly look into buying a car. Buy a hooptie for a few hundred bucks and leave the title in the glove box. I don’t see sharing a car for the next 5 years. You both need a little bit of independence. Do you trash the car when you borrow it? Do you change and move things around in the vehicle? Can you car pool with someone to your hometown? I went to college 600 miles from home. I had a car, but carpooling was less expensive and made for a quicker ride with other people to share the driving and conversation. Partnerships are vulnerable when it comes to sharing everything in life.

Fiances are like used cars–they all have something wrong with them. In either case, the best you can do is be aware of the problems and decide if you are willing to live with them.