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Errant power lock on Saturn SW2 1996

The power lock on my Saturn station wagon has a mind of its own. It locks and unlocks while driving. Unfortunately, my scientific mind has not discerned a method to this madness. Sometimes it will lock and unlock the rear door as well, sometimes not. Sometimes it will lock/unlock when I start the car, sometimes it will do so while driving. At one point I thought it was freaking out only when the accelerating/decelerating (lending credence to my theory that there was a short that was activating/deactivating because of the car’s motion), and then, soon after that, it will behave itself and not lock/unlock for miles of starting/stopping.

A potential cause – I started noticing this after I got the driver’s side window replaced when a local misguided youth lobbed a stone through the window (rite of passage, perhaps). In the beginning I even noticed that the seat belt warning light would stay on, perhaps connected to this silliness. Now, the seat belt light is working fine, and turns off dutifully after I insert the belt buckle. Now, on occasion, the brake and ABS lights remain on while driving. If I turn the car off and turn it back on again, the lights go off.

The local, bankrupt car-dealership has not learned its lessons in customer service. They are threatening me with diagnosis and potential repair bill in hundreds of dollars, perhaps more than the value of the car.

I opened up the driver’s side car door (easy to do, with the plastic panels), and found really nothing wrong. The internal, door rocker mechanism (the one you push to lock or unlock the door) was all worn out and broken from my frustrated attempts at trying to slap some sense in it. So, I took that out. Now my driver’s side car door has no internal lock/unlock rocker, just a toothless wire stub hanging out.

The door, however, is still having fun at my expense. Suggestions? Can I just deactivate the damn thing completely and live the rest of my life with this car without power locks? If so, how do I do that? Obviously, I would like to repair this and get back to normalcy.