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2008 Dodge Caliber- Electrical Issue

Here’s the issue-
We’re in Wisconsin, and it has been cold lately.
After not driving her car for about five days, my wife’s 2008 Dodge Caliber would not start. It gave her a repeated clicking noise, and all the electricals inside the car came on.
I jumped the car, and it started just fine, drove it around for about 30 minutes, no battery indicator on the dash, cut the engine, started it right back up. The next morning, the car would not start again- same situation, clicking noise, everything in the car working (but nothing was left on).
I went and picked up a new battery, but was having trouble getting the old one out, so I figured I’d let someone do it for ten bucks in a garage rather than brave the snow.
This time, though, the car won’t take a jump. I checked the electrolyte levels, and they appear fine. I let the car charge on the cables (which are nice ones, not cheap, thin ones) for 15 minutes and more, and the most I got out of the car was a weak attempt to turn over, but mostly just the repeated clicking noise. I can’t even jump the thing to get it looked at, and its in a narrow alley that will make towing next to impossible. Is my best bet to tough it out and figure out a way to get the new battery in? Or does this sound like a problem with a different solution?

I’d appreciate any help you guys have.

Batteries Will Freeze If They’re Discharged. Frozen Batteries Will Not Take A Charge.
2008 Calibers Were Produced Beginning 5 - 1/2 Years Ago.
Some Batteries Don’t Last That Long.

CSA

Tough it out and figure out a way to change the battery. Might be a little wedge block and single bolt holding it down? You might have to remove a bracket, but it is not to hard to remove after you do it one time, I promise.

It could also just be a bad connection on one or both battery terminals. Remove and clean them (disconnect negative first, reconnect last), and rough up the mating surfaces with a wire brush if you can.

Agree with oblivion that your problem may be nothing more than corroded connections. Remove cables at terminals, clean connections and replace. Car may even start now. If not, charge it up and retry.

When you do get it up and running again, have a mechanic check for parasitic draw. Also have him test the charging system.

The battery is so bad it wont take or hold a charge. I had that once with my two battery diesel. All of a sudden nothing. You need to just change it. Usually now there is a one bolt clamp at the base of the battery. Spray some PB Blaseter on it and you need a long ratchet extention to get at it. A few tools, a good flashlight, warm clothes and have at it.