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Your're NOT a mechanic if

You’re told your car has a voltage leak, and you look under the car for a puddle.

…someone tells you in jest that you need to replace the blinker fluid, and you go to Autozone to buy Blinker Fluid.

…if you think that anti-freeze is a weather control device.

…you’re told that your engine is missing, and you call the police to report it.

you replace the stale air in your tires twice a year.

You’re Doing A 100,000 Mile Maintenance On Your Car …
… and on the way to get parts, you can’t remember if you need “roller” or “ball” type muffler bearings and you just know they’ll ask.

You Don’t Know The Bloody Difference Between The Hood, The Boot, And The Bonnet!

You pay someone to roate your tires, because the tires rotate every time you drive.

You have never used a hammer on a pair of vise-grips. You haven’t thought of at least seven different things that F.O.R.D. stands for. Ford owners rarely drive. Failed on race day. Freaky old rebuilt Dodge. Found on road dead. Fix or repair daily. Foolish owner really depressed. Fouled out, remains in driveway. Fell out rear door? I should have kept it down to five. The quality has come up lately. Can you tell the difference between a mechanic and a pirate? A mechanic’s parrot is too scared to repeat what he says.

The service advisor says you have blown a seal and you say “Fix the car and leave my private life out of it!”

You’re not a mechanic if your only tools are a sledge hammer and a propane torch. Your repair jobs consist of either beating something to pieces or burning it up.

You wonder whether you should use premium fuel in your car. Any car.

…your only idea of a strut is what George Jefferson does.

…you think that a valve lifter is a kind of athletic competitor.

…you think a transmission clutch is an automotive handbag.

If you’ve ever, seriously considered buying things from this website, and not just for laughs:

My Fave! I’m disappointed that they are out of blinker fluid, though.

you haven’t been backflaged for work you didn’t do.

You think the Mcpherson strut is a Scottish dance.

…you’ve ever posted the following question (or its equivalent) on a website: “My car makes this funny noise going down the road. What could it be?”

Must be a Brit. I sure don’t know what is a boot and a bonnet, because we don’t call them that in the US.

You Purchase Extra Vise Grips To Use As A Universal Repair Part, …
… primarily for permanent installation and repair of worn out front-end parts. I actually saw a car in a shop with rusty Vise Grips “installed”!