Hey fellow Car Talk fans! I wanted to share this with a community that might get some amusement out of it as much as I did. I am currently a Human Development and Family Studies major (the guys would probably equate my major to Art History or Philosophy if they were still on the air lol) and one of the classes I’m in currently is focusing on marital issues this week and how to resolve them. One of the questions asked in my assignment for the week was as follows:
Why is it counter-productive to bring up multiple issues in the same argument (kitchen-sink fighting)?
Me, being the avid Car Talk listener I am, had the following response:
I believe bringing in multiple issues into one argument is counter-productive because it does not give the other partner the time necessary to focus on resolving any one issue at a time. The best way I could equate it is like when a car has multiple things wrong with it, like the brakes need replaced, the engine has a blown head gasket, and the air conditioner has stopped working. A mechanic does not try to fix all these issues at once, if they were to do so, they would not be able to properly fix each issue. Typically the mechanic would focus on the main issue as to why the car is not working (the blown head gasket) and then work their way down to the less imperative repairs. Same should be with resolving issues in a relationship.
Do you think Tom and Ray would say I hit the nail on the head, or maybe more accurately, “banging on all cylinders?”
My own undergraduate degree is in Communication. When it comes to interpersonal communication it’s considered best to stick to the subject at hand, especially during an argument. There was a term called “gunnysacking” or “niggysobbing” that dealt with bringing in extraneous stuff. For example, “You left the seat up last week,” after the other person forgot to pick up milk. The first term refers to dumping a “gunny sack” of random stuff on the other person, the second is short for “Now I’ve got you, you SOB.” In other words, I think you’re right on target. Car Talk just provided a source of examples.
I was gunnysacked by an 8 year old girl on my school bus who was on the autistic spectrum but very high functioning. I told her she had to sit in her seat… She yelled at me saying that she did not have to listen to me because I was fat, bald and ugly. I felt my face, the top of my head and patted my belly and told her she was right, but she was not going home until she sat down.
I hesitate to say anything but I had a similar conversation with my wife of 48 years. I said we aren’t leaving the garage until you put your seat belt on. She said I was a bully.
In NY state it has been illegal to stand up on a moving school bus for many years, and the school district that I drove for is serious about us and if the student will not sit down, they will send a car to take them off the bus.
I had ny own method for handling this with regular students on a large bus. If I saw a student standing up, I would pull over to the curb and put my 4 ways on, get out a book and start reading. The kids would start complaining that they wanted to go home. I would tell them that they were not acting like they were ready to go home because I saw someone standing up. When they assured me that they were ready to go home, I would ask if they minded if I just finished the chapter. At their protests, I would reluctantly put away the book. While takingthem home I would tell them that the longer the run took, the more money I made and that my wife would make supper for me no matter how late I got home. I did this the first time someone stood up at the start of the school year and I never had to do it more than 3 times in a year.
You had to be careful not to look in the interior mirror the 2nd or third time because you did not want to see who gave a dope slap to the offender.
As the complete horse’s butt of a kid that I was, this would make me think “wait, so I don’t sit down and they send me limo service? What’s the downside!”
