I have a 1999 Jeep Cherokee (160,000 miles). It will rev but not catch the first time but always starts the second. Aside from frustration, I am concerned I am ruining the starter. How can I get it to start the first time.
Personally one vs two times does not cause enough starter extra wear to worry about. I can remember having to turn starters over three or four times to catch some of the cars I owned. I still never replaced that many starters, so I think your concerns are overstated. If you have gone 160K miles on the starter already, then you have done well, in my book.
I agree that you are not ruining the starter just by making it work a few more times.
It is possible you are losing fuel pressure after shutdown. Try this: When you are ready to start the engine, just turn the key to the ON position for about five seconds. This is enough time to allow the fuel pump to build up pressure, if that is the problem. Then turn the key to START.