Oops


#1

I own a 2005 RSX which is beautiful…I “accidently” ran over a parking curb (with a sidewalk about 3 feet wide and then down the other side. I checked to see if there were any leaks and there were none. Should I tell my electrition/mechanic/engine builder husband?


#2

Yes, you should. He sounds like he can probably inspect the car for damage.
BTW, if the sidewalk is 3 feet wide, why didn’t you stop before going down the other side?


#3

Yes you should. If you hit it with any speed, as in hitting it rather than gently driving over it, you could have done some damage to the suspension, either knocking it out of alignment or possibly bending or breaking something. It’s best to 'fess up now rather than to have the car eat a set of tires in 10,000 miles, leaving your husband scratching his head wondering why this is happening. Besides, if you find out some substantial damage was done (bent rims, damaged tires, control arms, etc.), you could probably get it fixed for the cost of your collision deductible on your insurance. That’s what it’s for and why you’ve been paying for it all these years.


#4

But he has a temper…and might take the keys away from me. And yes…it was not a “gentle” drive…sort of the speed one wanting to pull forward to face front instead of having to back out later (busy lot). Besides, the only thing I have problems with is shifting into reverse…push hard on the shifter and over and down from sixth gear.


#5

Normally I’d say yes, but hearing this I’d say absolutely no way.

Your response really bothered me. It’s tragic that telling your husband about something like this has to be terriying, and it’s a sign of much more serious problems than a possible damaged car, but you need to think of your safety first.

This is not the right forum for abuse counseling, but I urge you to please seek a support group or organization for some help.

Sincere best.


#6

“But he has a temper…and might take the keys away from me.”

I agree with “the same mountainbike”

My wife rolled one of our cars on its side off the end of the driveway…I didn’t get upset at her; the week before I ran into it with my tractor…the dents just keep adding up. It’s just a car.
He’s never done something “dumb” with a car too ?

Have it looked at, fixed and drive on…no ones hurt, it’s now just good for the economy.
If that advice doesn’t make sense, than " the same mountainbike"'s does.


#7

You might have suspension or axle damage. You would do well do get it up on a lift. As an alternative, Hubby could lift it with a jack (and jack stand) and look at the front axles and suspension.


#8

“But he has a temper…and might take the keys away from me.”

I agree with Mountain. I once had an employ, who I suspected was in such a situation. I did not really know what to do to help. All I could think of was to suggest seeing “somebody” about it. I also had a personal friend who I was equally unable to help. Later I was in a government management job and I was trained in spotting this kind of problem and we had professionals to help out. I did run into another employee with a like problem, but this time I had more information.

Please you may or may not be in such a relationship, I have no way of knowing and frankly you don't, but please call or visit a professional and be totally honest with them  Listen to what they say.  If you don't I will feel I have failed.  Make that call today.

#9

If the car drives OK, does not pull right or left and the car did not bottom out over the curb then don’t worry about it. If there is underside damage from bottoming out, I have no suggestion for that; he may eventually find it. If it does not affect car operation, what’s the problem?

If all he does is holler and blow off steam, possibly you can be OK with that. Maybe you can holler back like my wife does.

If he takes a swing at you, call the cops, get a lawyer, dump him and take him to the cleaners.


#10

Forget about the car. You need a new husband who won’t abuse you and who will treat you like an equal.

Everything the two of you own is community property. He can’t take the keys away from you unless you let him.


#11

Thanks everyone…if I did not specify prior, I not only checked for leaks, I drove it around the parking garage during lunch. Nothing sounded/acted differently. Went back to work, checked again and drove about 15 miles home on the interstate in the “slow” lane. My car and I were both quite embarrassed, but, the steering seemed fine, the oil and engine temp pressure gauges showed normal. BFG 18" g-Force-TA’s which helped, I think. Flat spot on rear…he’d think That was from turning a corner too fast. But it shifts fine. There’s a whiteish rounded retagular thing underneath that seems to be the car’s lowest spot…I crawled under a bit (I’m small) and although a little scratched, it wasn’t dented, the allignment seems okay, but I can have that looked at AND rotate the tires…just so he wouldn’t have too, honey. Mayhaps, I am lucky - so I think I will “forget.” I’ll watch the car for a bit. He drives it somes times too, and too fast…I can maybe, somehow, say he did something…BTW. While he does have a temper…he’s okay, just yells loud, like, "Dammit Sweetie,etc,. etc…


#12

I felt the same way,my mother had to live in fear much the same way,but you are right we are not counselers, I feel for the OP none the less.


#13

With those 18" tires(215/40R18 is what tirerack.com shows), you probably have rim damage if nothing else.
If I read correctly though, you ran over one of those little cement barriers that’s in parking spots to prevent you from going any farther? I’m also going to assume you weren’t going much over 5 mph as well. If that’s so, then a couple scrapes is probably all you got, unless the curb was pretty high off the ground(5"+)


#14

But he has a temper…and might take the keys away from me.

That is what she said. So where does all the abuse and domestic violence chatter come off?

Oh, yes, I forgot, taking a wife’s keys away until she takes a refresher driving course to save her life is now abuse, huh?

I suspect this is a standard case of her simply being embarrassed to tell her husband she did something that stupid.

Read her later comment that agrees he is not violent at all, but might say, “Dammit, sweetie.”

Did it make you feel real manly to indict and convict a man of DV without even the statement that he had done so? Better stick to car stuff.


#15

Though I agree with your premise, and think we may over step our bounds sometimes, everyone here was quite conservative and caring when asked the question…

Should I tell my electrition/mechanic/engine builder husband?

followed by But he has a temper…and might take the keys away from me.

No one was out of bounds here. “Taking the keys” away from someone in anger for a minor incident in a co equal relationship is noteworthy and deserve comment, and neglecting to recognize it on your part is as well. You can be more judgmental after the fact if the wife restates her assertions. At the time, posters were prudent.


#16

I know what is hidden under those words,it did not have to be spelled out. Many women who are abused make excuses for the abuse and try to minimize the level of the abuse. He only says Dammit,it’s not that bad. No manlyness involved at all, rather the empathetic female side of me.Besides how can one fell manly behind a terminal? that’s a concept I don’t grasp.


#17

“Besides how can one fell manly behind a terminal? that’s a concept I don’t grasp.”

Feeling manly is all in your head and depends on the individuals definition of ‘manly’. As such, it can occur anywhere.

I agree that her comments could lead a reader to think that she meant he might be abusive. None of us knows the OP or her husband and being careful is OK under the circumstances.


#18

Abusers follow particular patterns, and this one fits. If there is a realistic possibility he might “take the keys away” from her, he is treating her like a child, not an equal.

Seriously, irlandes, what would you think if the shoe was on the other foot? Let’s say you accidentally did something foolish with your car. Now imagine your wife says, “I should take your car keys away” and actually considers it. You would have to be pretty subservient and intimidated in order to let her do that, wouldn’t you? What if you were actually meek enough to let her? Just imagine yourself in that position for a second and tell me you don’t feel abused.


#19

I stand by my posting. This is a free country, well, sort of, and if you want to disagree, that is your privilege. You guys jumped to an indictment of a man you don’t know when no such accusation was made. This is a car maintenance board, not a gender war or DV board and I suspect most of you have no experience as a counselor. It is extremely inappropriate for people without experience as a counselor to be poking their noses in such matters, especially when no such accusation was made.

By her own words, this was purely a case of her knowing she did something stupid and embarrassing,and not wanting her husband to know it, just as many men don’t want their wives to know they did something really stupid. Sounds like she cares a lot about her husband’s opinion, and wants him to think well of her, as opposed to being a victim of abuse and battering.


#20

I too respect your right to disagree.

In spite of the fact that I have been trained in counseling, I don’t think that should be a prerequisite for stepping in and speaking your mind when you see warning signs. Anyone who sees warning signs attributed to abuse should speak up. [b]It is the kind of thing I would rather regret doing than regret not doing,[/b] especially considering how many abused women end up dead at the hands of their abusers.