So my best friend’s car recently died. We are both single moms and have been unemployed. We are having a pretty tough time with all different types of resources, but we help each other out with everything: money, babysitting, food, clothes…etc. But I have a car and she doesn’t. We both put in money for gas and oil changes. She doesn’t contributed for insurance or the car payment. The car is mine though, she has to ask me to borrow it, but I have never said no. So I don’t even know if I should. I just realized I need to give her a set time of which she can borrow my car. I am really unsure how I should go about the whole thing. How I should approach her? Please give me some feedback

If you want to limit or make sure there is no misunderstanding on the frequency of use or how thing will work if a time/use conflict occurs, then you set up a time to talk about it.

You may also need to talk to your insurance agent, to see if she should be added as a secondary (not primary) driver. Some insurance companies can be picky about that if there is an accident involved while she is driving. For example, my insurance renewals all state who the company believes are the only two drivers over age 26 that frequently use the car. It is up to me to notify them if that situation changes. Because she is using the car with some stated frequency, it may be best to list her. In general this should not change your rates. If it does, then there may be another point of discussion concerning that cost.

jayhawkroy has a good point.

Talk to your insurance agent and explain your situation.

If the agent says that you should add her to your policy and the premium will increase, then you need to tell your friend about it and she should have no problem paying.

This should open the door to the two of you having a discussion regarding the cost involved in you allowing her to use your car so often.

If your friend has a problem with contributing to the cost of her being able to use your car, then she isn’t really being much of a friend.

But from what little I know, it looks to me as though you are very good friends. I’d bet that she would have no problem helping out.

She just needs you to be honest and let her know that it’s difficult for you to pay all of the cost involved in maintaining your car, given your current situation.

That’s what friends are for…

These kind of things can be sticky at times, at least if things go wrong.
You refer to oil changes, etc. Hopefully you are in the habit of checking fluid levels under the hood between oil changes and not blindly thinking that everything is fine from one oil change to the next.
Make sure that if the temp gauge rises, an oil light flashes, etc. that your friend stops the car immediately so as to prevent a minor problem turning into a trashed engine.

What are your friend’s driving habits like? If you’re carrying the minimum liability and your friend plows into someones new Benz and totals it out while putting the other party into an injury situation where they have a 100 grand worth of medical expenses they can come after you for anything over the insurance liability limits.
Just making sure that you’re aware of that scenario.

A friend is a friend. And you help each other out whenever possible.

You might be allowing them to use your vehicle without contributing towards the insurance or payments, but who uses the vehicle a majority of the time?

Don’t worry about such petty things. Just help each other out. That’s what keeps friendships together.


You may also need to talk to your insurance agent, to see if she should be added as a secondary (not primary) driver.

I was going to say something similar. Call your insurance agent and make sure your friend is covered on your policy when you loan her the car. That way, if something happens, there should be little or no conflict about who will pay for the damage.

I recently loaned my car to a friend for about six weeks, and I had to teach her how to drive a car with a manual transmission in order to loan it to her. Even though the car and the clutch were in the same condition when I got them back, I find myself wondering how much life is left in the clutch now that she drove it. I told her that loaning her the car would mean reimbursing me for changing the engine oil, changing the transmission oil, and inspecting and cleaning the brakes upon return. I did all these things, so I only charged her for the supplies, but at least I now know that if there were any metal filings floating in the transmission oil, they are out of there now.

My point in telling you this story is that, every time something goes wrong with the car or something breaks, you will instinctively wonder if your friend is responsible. It can put a strain on the friendship. You might be able to avoid this if you come up with some rules about how it is driven. Make sure she doesn’t have bad habits, like shifting between “reverse” and “drive” while the car is still moving, and talk about how you will deal with it when something breaks.

What you say is true, but it is also true that nothing can destroy friendships faster than financial and/or legal problems.

Since the fallout of a car accident will likely include added financial hardship for the OP, (and possibly legal issues) I agree that she needs to talk to her insurance agent and–if necessary–make some changes to her insurance policy. And, even if her friend does not pay for gas, I think it would be appropriate for her to help with insurance costs.

How long do you expect the loan the car to go on. If >3 months then maybe consider asking for some help monetarily. First estimate what miles she does vs the overall usage/month. I think it would be petty(perosnally) to ask for money for payment if her mileage is <30%.

I would not ask for insurance as you pay that irregardless if the car is being driven or sitting.

Have Your Insurance Agent Advise You Not To Let Somebody, Not Even A Best Friend, Borrow Your Car.

Let your friend ride with you at your convenience.

You are extemely nice letting her borrow your car at this time and she is extremely bold by asking you for it. I can see this arrangement heading for hard feelings, inconvenience, extra expense for you, and possibly ending a real friendship.

Let her hitch rides with you. If that’s not good enough then this friendship isn’t as strong as you think it is.

There are certain things that don’t work out being loaned to friends and cars are way up there at the top of the list !


P.S. None of my friends would ever ask to borrow one of our cars and I’d never ask to borrow one, ever.

The real question I have is How did your friend’s car die?

Lack of maintenance?
Flat tire?
Head gasket failed?

It might be more worth while to get her car up and running than to keep loaning her your car, and you paying for most of the costs yourself.


Ever? I sincerely hope there are exceptions to this rule. My mother needed to borrow a neighbor’s car to rush me to the hospital when I was a child, and I am really grateful the neighbor loaned her the car.

I don’t have a problem with the loan of a car if both people are on the same page if or when something goes wrong. People may be the best of friends right up to the moment something goes wrong with the car and fingerpointing may start even if the person who borrowed the car had absolutely nothing to do with the problem.
This would be especially true in cases where people are not mechanically minded.

Correct. We Have Seven Cars.

Besides, as a general rule, I just don’t borrow anything.

In your mother’s case or the case of somebody else in an emergency, I guess those individuals could make exceptions. If I had to rush my child to the hospital and didn’t have a car, couldn’t borrow a car, I’d steal a car if I couldn’t wait for an ambulance to arrive.