Oh boy! I don’t want to alarm you but you should be aware of all the possible pitfalls- when the car is assembled, the fasteners have a dry threadlocking compound on them. The purpose is to insure they do not work loose over time. When those fasteners are removed and re-installed, the thread locking properties are reduced significantly with each cycle. Dashes are notoriously difficult to keep quiet with all the body flexing going on over time. Couple that with a shoddy repair operation and there’s a good chance not all the fasteners found their way back where they belong. I’d keep a close eye on the quality of the subsequent repairs and a tight grip on the repair papers indicating the dash was disassembled in case noises crop up in the future…
Wow. Finally - language I can understand, and not at all how MINI explained it to me (shocker!). I appreciate you taking the time to provide this explanation.
It makes sense because the service report says that the 2nd pump repair was bad (“high pressure pump threaded poorly into pump”) so then there’s a good chance that something was loose or just missing, which is what I suspected (but have been unable to get MINI to accept - maybe your better choice of words would have helped!) because it did not make this noise after the 1st repair/replacement, only after the 2nd, when they also replaced the assembly and hoses.
Of course in the service report it also states that “customer is uncomfortable with road noise” which I found very insulting, and clearly it is more than road noise. Again - thanks for your help, I really appreciate it!
UPDATE: The dealership in Maryland (where I didn’t buy the car) says they will replace my MINI with a new one! Here’s to hoping the next one has better luck. 
Thanks for everyone’s advice!!
Sweet!
That is the best resolution for you. I certainly hope you have better luck with the replacement.
Yup. Looks like BMW/Mini is standing behind it’s product in this case