My 1992 Audi 100CS used to go until it suddenly, without warning chose not to whilst on the way out of the driveway. It was silent and it was swift. Now, when I turn the key it goes, “chugga chugga chugga,” instead of roaring to life like the mythical German beast it aspires to be. In an effort to make it look like I knew what I was doing, I unhooked the fuel line at both ends of the fuel filter and cranked the engine. To my dismay gas did not spill forth from either end. Does this mean my fuel pump is dead? Coming to the end of my diagnostic knowledge and abilities I turn now to the next best source of free information: total strangers bearing questionable credentials who spend hours on the internet trouble- shooting the car problems of other unsavory characters lacking the funds to seek out a real mechanic. Help, quickly! Before my car demands human sacrifice!