“Shouldn’t the dealer be responsible to actually KNOW what vehicles can tow what trailers?”
On this point I agree with you. Did the dealer break any laws in making this sale? That may differ by state, perhaps a call to you state’s attorney general’s office is in order. If you have an 4 cylinder Escape, or a V6 Escape without the factory tow package then the dealer sold you a trailer to be towed behind a vehicle that is too small and underpowered. This is dangerous.
If you have the V6 and the factory tow package then you have the biggest most powerful motor available in an Escape, lower gearing and beefed up suspension to handle greater loads, a larger battery, larger radiator, and larger transmission cooler all designed so the car can handle the load. Even with the tow package the Escape is just barely at the limit of its capacity. A 2800 lbs trailer dry becomes a 3,100 lb trailer wet with propane, and fresh water tanks filled. Add baggage, food, dishes, bedding, and a full fridge and you are up another 300 to 500 lbs in no time.
At best your Escape is going to stuggle to haul this trailer around. Hit some mountains and you are in for a slow trip.
You can press the dealer to take the whole trailer back. If they won’t threaten to sue. You can trade in the Escape and buy an older used SUV that is bigger and perhaps not be out too much more money. Otherwise you are pretty much stuck.