# Pope's 10 Commandments of the Road **URL:** \ **Category:** The Show\ **Created:** [June 22, 2007, 4:31pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849 "2007-06-22T16:31:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2007, 12:52am UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/181 "2007-07-08T00:52:17Z")
Thou shalt not park thine big honking SUV in parking spots labeled as “Compact”. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2007, 1:09am UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/182 "2007-07-08T01:09:28Z")
Thou also needs to include all trucks, station wagons, mini vans, Caddys and other large type cars in thou’s post. Thou knows thou’s vehicle is not a compact model so why does thou park in a compact only space? Thou shouldnt use it ever even if it was the only space available!!! (Thou knows its usually not either since thou is usually too lazy to walk from a space further out.) ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2007, 4:34am UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/183 "2007-07-08T04:34:01Z")
THOU SHALT OBEY THE TRAFFIC LAWS AND CUSTOMS OF THE COUNTRY YOU ARE DRIVING IN, NOT THE COUNTRY YOU IMMIGRATED FROM. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2007, 5:21am UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/184 "2007-07-08T05:21:37Z")
Be aware that youthful reflexes will not save thy butt on snow or ice. Honor thy neighbor’s blind spots and keep them empty ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2007, 7:33am UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/185 "2007-07-08T07:33:58Z")
If thou art lost in thy travels, heed the advice of thy helpmeet and seek succor from a local yokel, lest ye spend an eternity in rural limbo. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2007, 7:43am UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/186 "2007-07-08T07:43:41Z")
Thou shalt yield willingly to all emergency vehicles. Thou shalt faithfully obey lowered speeds in roadway work zones lest thou injure or kill those who labor for thy transportation good upon the roadway. (Yet another MoDOT worker was killed by a drunk, speeding driver last night!) Annoint not the public thoroughfares with thine coffee, soda, trash, and cigarette butts poured forth in profanation upon the land and street from thy windows. Shatter not thy neighbor’s hearing with booming stereos spreading excessive noise upon the peace of the land. Seek not to cut off and run down thy fellow driver who is signalling to change lanes in a lawful manner. Judge not the yellow traffic light to mean floor it like hell to beat the red, lest thee collide with those who leave early their appointed resting place at the intersection in an effort to beat the upcoming green light. Be thou ever sober, vigilant, and alert behind the wheel. Thou shalt obey given traffic laws of the land. If thou shouldst object to these laws, heed not thy selfish desires. Thou mayest strive lawfully to bring forth change in the traffic laws so that thee may then lawfully give act to thy speedy cravings. Show not disrespect for other drivers lest thee bring forth danger upon the roadways. Keep thou only to the proper lane for the speed thee wishes to drive. Look thou not excessively at the misfortune of others upon the roadside lest thou befall a like iniquity for thy inattention to traffic. In all things driving, be thou lawful, moderate, careful, and considerate and thou shalt be blest with safer driving. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2007, 10:32pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/187 "2007-07-08T22:32:32Z")
Thou shalt not carve idols in anything like the shapes of Tom or Ray, but only My Staff, not the staff of CarTalk…Neither shalt thou bow down before the radio during their program nor worship Stumpy Chumps with Lumpy Rumps. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2007, 10:59pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/188 "2007-07-08T22:59:59Z")
Has thou not heard of the new item being sold on this site? The immortal powers to be (the lackeys) are calling it Pin’th the tail on the stump; with the stump being the fine rump of Tom or Ray; thou’s choice. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2007, 3:47pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/189 "2007-07-09T15:47:10Z")
Remember Boycott National Car Care Month and keep it holy. Eleven months, through animal hair, soccer season and university moving shalt thou commute, clean and detail; but in the the last shalt thou rest on thy royal rumpus and honor the month. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 1:39pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/190 "2007-07-10T13:39:28Z")
Though shall not exchange thy snow tires for summer tires in Neweth England until after Memorial Day weekend. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 4:18pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/191 "2007-07-10T16:18:57Z")
Though shalt not clumpeth for the CHP is my shepherd Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors lane only whenst it be holy to him and whenst he giveth the lane unto thee, thou shalt taketh the damned thing. Thou shalt getteth thine vehicle unto the far righteous lane whenst thou turneth the righteous way. Lest thou causeth mine vehicle to wait what seemeth an eternity. Thou shalt not speedeth up to preventeth mine vehicle from entering the kingdom of freeway. Whenst I cross the road to heaven in dark robes, I walk in the valley and the shadow of death. Whenst the lord said “let their be light” he meant not beams from on high whenst opposing traffic cometh Thou shalt not displayeth thine bumper scroll telling of thine student of the month even whenst it be thine only begotten son. Thou shalt not picketh thine proboscis seeking the glory of heaven whenst thou hast only a windshield to cloak thee. Let only he who has never erred in his carriage flippeth off he who has. Thou shalt not tread too mightily upon thy brakes in thine fast lane lest chevy begat honda and honda begat lexus and lexus begat toyota and toyota begat audi and audi begat mustang and mustang begat hummer etc. Though shalt not lead us to temptation with thine red parking flags Our car which art in heaven, totalled be thy name. In the beginning there was new car smell, Now all the frankinsense and Myrrh in Bethlehem couldst not hide thy stench The light hast changeth, dost thou wait for the second coming of the lord? Thine followers shall praise hallelujah whenst my lord useth thine turn out lane Thou shalt not drinketh the blood of Christ, then be pulled over and made to walk the straight and narrow. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 4:46pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/192 "2007-07-10T16:46:48Z")
Praytell, why not? It is greatly difficult to merge with 60 mph traffic at 30 mph. Passeth the sucker! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 5:53pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/193 "2007-07-10T17:53:42Z")
Thou shall not stop and ask for directions for thou are to wander the highways for 40 years. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 5:58pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/194 "2007-07-10T17:58:34Z")
Thou shall not judge the oil companies, thou shalt not buy gas from a major oil company (you select) and thus force it to lower the price from their abundance and the other flocks shall do so in competition. ---
**Author:** ![madmilt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7feea3/32.png) [@madmilt](https://community.cartalk.com/u/madmilt)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 9:37pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/195 "2007-07-10T21:37:42Z")
Worse - it’s as much an oxymoron as vacation Bible school. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2007, 11:53pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/196 "2007-07-10T23:53:16Z")
Well, you guys must be as infallible as old “Rat,” or if you’re inclined, Pope Benedict the XAZYVUT. I think you covered the commandments of the road, so I started to think, … where to I go when I’m on the road and why limit the commandments to just the road? Maybe we need more for the places we end up after driving a while (jail excluded). So here’s my commandments for “Grocery Store Shopping” since I usually end up there once a week anyway (and that’s one more time each week than I end up in a Catholic Church). A former Catholic seminarian Bob Rink Cleveland Heights, Ohio ?Grocery Shoppers? Ten Commandments 1. Thou shalt not let the melons become an occasion of sin; therefore, only women shall be allowed to shop for and touch the melons. 2. Thou shalt not let the cucumbers become an occasion of sin; therefore, only men shall shop for and touch the cucumbers. 3. Neither shalt the men touch the cucumbers, nor the women touch the melons, in a manner to give scandal to the other (or if intrinsically disordered, to themselves). 4. Honor thy baker and thy meat packer, to say nothing of thy wine and beer steward. 5. Thou shalt not kill the fattened lamb; let the meat packer do that and you?ll enjoy eating it a whole lot more. 6. Thou shalt keep gluttonous the grocery shopping day. 7. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor?s steaks. 8. Thou shall not bear false witness (i.e. lie) about the freshness of the strawberries. 9. Thou shalt keep holy the lettuce; for it was what covered Adam?s and Eve?s privates. 10. Thou shalt not cut the cheese at the grocery store; for God?s sake, can?t you wait until you get home! ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/original/3X/1/d/1d47c66a543aa6c5a7873bb2320858f978ff52ed.png) [@system](https://community.cartalk.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2007, 8:59pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/197 "2007-07-11T20:59:57Z")
Thou shalt not abuse thy turn indicators by leaving them blink for mile after weary mile unless thou doth turn at the appointed place. Thy false witness thus displayed doth bring much hatred and despair amongst thy companion travelers, causing them to wish,nay pray, the fleas of a thousand camels to find happiness in your body hair. ---
**Author:** ![Troubleshooter](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/user_avatar/community.cartalk.com/troubleshooter/32/36_2.png) [@Troubleshooter](https://community.cartalk.com/u/Troubleshooter)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2007, 11:52pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/198 "2007-07-11T23:52:45Z")
Thou shalt not pass laws reserving the left lane for passing. It reduces the road capacity by 1800 cars per hour. ---
**Author:** ![Troubleshooter](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/user_avatar/community.cartalk.com/troubleshooter/32/36_2.png) [@Troubleshooter](https://community.cartalk.com/u/Troubleshooter)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2007, 11:56pm UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/199 "2007-07-11T23:56:01Z")
According to law, it’s illegal to pass a car on the right when it is signaling a right turn. It is also illegal to pass a car on the left after it signals a left turn. So the line of cars MUST let in the lane-changing driver. ---
**Author:** ![Troubleshooter](https://sea1.discourse-cdn.com/cartalk/user_avatar/community.cartalk.com/troubleshooter/32/36_2.png) [@Troubleshooter](https://community.cartalk.com/u/Troubleshooter)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2007, 12:02am UTC](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849/200 "2007-07-12T00:02:27Z")
It’s an “improper signal” which can get a ticket. [Previous page](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849.md?page=9) [Next page](https://community.cartalk.com/t/popes-10-commandments-of-the-road/849.md?page=11)