It may be different for some people, but I think it is mostly about you getting out of their way. In their thinking, they own a piece of the the road. For most people, it is not much more than the space their car takes up, plus a car length or two in front or back. Some people insist on much, much more. If you get in their space, you are taking their life into your hands. You don’t deserve that kind of power. Some people back off, some hit the horn, and some want to treat you like the worthless, disgusting piece of garbage that you are now and always have been. Just think about people and their perception of personal safe space when you drive. The life you save might actually be your own.
One of you asked for an explanation of the dynamics of road rage—I’m going to assume we are talking about (as the woman was yesterday (2/18)) repeated behavior, not “having a bad day and someone else does something offensive or stupid so you do something infantile and dangerous.”
The answer is tied directly to fully-justified feelings of powerless in a modern society, and in America in spades (think TARP $$, for instance, and the evisceration of the middle class). Road rage is driven by some of the same feelings that drive people to fight for seats on a local school board: finally, finally, you actually have some power. Road rage feelings are fed by the many and repeated reports of events and conditions and situations around the world (many of them outrageous, cruel, destructive, dangerous, or some combination of these) over which we have no control—nor does our government have control, except maybe in a destructive sense.
Pent-up anger over powerlessness, when finally liberated, can easily cause destructive or aggressive behavior, or responses of such violence as to be completely out of proportion to the realities of a particular situation.
Hmmm. He needs to be mild manered and calm in his job which probably is not a good fit for his underlying repressed aggressiveness. He needs a job where he can fulfill his true self. Other than that, drugs might help.
As a fairly committed Christian, I would NEVER advertise my faith by putting one of those fish or any sort of decal or bumper sticker touting peace, love and charity on my car, since my sometimes obnoxious driving stunts would reflect so badly on the philosophy I purportedly espouse. I’m not proud of it, but, although I try to think charitably of other drivers, I also know myself well enough to know that I will inevitably act out my frustration with some (really annoying, rude, incompetent, inconsiderate and generally infuriating!!!) drivers, especially when I’m in a hurry.
Having said that, maybe the caller can convince her husband to affix some sort of message to his car about the benefits of meditation or, better yet, some sort of official looking decal indicating his proficiency in meditation. He might think twice about his aggressive driving knowing the message it may send about a practice which he clearly values highly. If he refuses, at least he will be forced to acknowledge his inconsistency, and that in itself may help. If he refuses by coming up with some sort of bogus excuse like not liking any decals/bumper stickers, no matter how tasteful, he’s probably a lost cause.
There’s nothing like someone pulling out a handgun and waving it to calm an aggressive driver. Might even cure him of it. It ain’t worth getting shot over; you never know who will be packing one now days and what will set THEM off!.
Anyone else notice how a dog will act more aggressive and “barky” when behind a fence or window?
I think a car is like a fence for some people.
In the movie “Analyze That” the shrink told the mobster (played by ,can’t remember) that “when I get mad I hat a pillow. Try hitting a pillow”. Whereupon, the mobster pulled out his gun and shot numerous holes in the pillow. That made him feel better.
Most of us cannot shoot holes in convenient inanimate objects to relieve our stress. So some of us use our cars.
On a more serious note, there’s a scientist in England that’s been studying stress in chimpanzees for decades as way to understand stress in humans. Guess what? The chimps often aggressively pick on those that they consider to be on a lower social strata…for no reason whatsoever, other than to maintain their place in the pecking order. Could it be that some of us do this while driving???
The answer to Tom’s question about why people tailgate behind you, then honk and flash their lights is simple — because you’re in the way. I’m not personally one to take it to that level with the honking and the flashing, but I will close my following distance on another driver when they are blocking the road. And so I’m extending this discussion to all “tailgaters”, not just the honkers and flashers.
Tom pointed out that you wouldn’t behave in an analogous way walking on a sidewalk behind an old lady, but that’s the rare case. In my experience, many drivers give the old lady a break and give them a little room when they realize who’s involved, though it’s not always easy to tell the difference between “obtuse” and “old” from behind a car.
It’s the normal case, comprised of many other drivers of all ages, that contributes to the problem — by driving inappropriately slow in the left lane. That is the most common scenario, in my experience, for this situation to arise. It is not always speed itself that adds risk to driving, it is the difference in speed between cars on the same path.
Just because there’s room in the left lane doesn’t mean it’s appropriate to drive there. If you’re going the same speed as — or barely 2 MPH faster than — the car to your right, you’re in the wrong lane, and in most states that’s the law.
You can argue that others are breaking the law by speeding, but whether others choose to break the law is not at issue in your own choice to drive lawfully. If you want to be lawful, then you need to obey the speed limit, and also — in most states — move over to the right when you are (1) not passing another car, or (2) going slower than the traffic behind you.
Most people behave this way out on open interstate freeways, but it applies in urban areas and elsewhere. That’s why the “SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT” signs are there, and that’s why in states such as Illinois, they began ticketing slower drivers for camping in the left lane. Both speed limits and “keep right” laws are laws — you don’t get to chastise a driver for breaking one while you break another, for adding danger by driving too fast while you add danger by driving too slow in the wrong lane.
I contend that in the normal case, not the allowance for the old lady, that the people that are blocking the faster traffic are the ones that aren’t behaving in an analogous way as if we were walking.
If you were walking down a street or a hallway, and I walked up behind you and said, “Excuse me, I’m in a hurry. I’m late and I have some place to be. Can you let me by, please?”, you’re telling me you would reply, “No, I’m walking here. Not to worry, I’ve decided the pace for the both of us, and I know best”?!
The fact of the matter is that if someone walked up behind you and said, “Can I get by, please?”, you would move. When I drive up behind you, I’m saying, “Can I get by, please?”
As to the more fundamental question, as to what motivates people to be in such a hurry that they tailgate and participate in riskier behavior than their norm, that’s easy, too. People are stupid! They plan poorly, and then they execute poorly, and they don’t appreciate the risks involved. If you were able to quantify the risk for people — “getting out of bed 10 minutes late will cause you to drive 10 MPH faster than usual to work, increasing the risk of death or serious injury to you and others on today’s drive to X%” — then you might have a chance at combating risky behavior.
I believe part of the issue with aggressive driving has to do with the rapid-fire/multi-tasking world that we live in. Technology has helped to create this demand for immediate results and I think people have a hard time separating the function of their computers from their cars. If you think about it, we spend all day at work multi-tasking and getting rapid fire data from our computers and phones, and then at the end of the day we get in our cars to go home and we don’t want to have to spend 30 minutes doing only one task to get to our destinations. Then, if you throw in traffic congestion or road construction or grandma driving 10 mph under the speed limit, you get people flipping out because they’re being forced to exercise some patience.
Another reason for aggressive driving has already been discussed; the fact that people tend to see cars as objects and not as people driving those objects. People feel autonomous in their cars and think they can get away with being jerks because they will most likely never see that guy again that they just cut off. If grandma was blocking the aisle with her cart in the grocery store you wouldn’t ride her butt and yell at her, but if she held up the line in the parking lot then look out granny!
One final antecedent to aggressive driving I will simply state as the “Hummer Syndrome”. Next time you have some jerk riding your butt just feel sorry for him/her rather than getting upset. Kill them with kindness because they obviously have issues that they’re trying to compensate for.
The answer to Tom’s question about why people tailgate behind you, then honk and flash their lights is simple — because you’re in the way.
It depends on where you live…Driving in MA …it’s COMMON. Doesn’t matter if you’re in the right lane or left lane…or if you’re doing the speed limit or well above speed limit. It’s the NORM. People driving 70-90mph…and someone (usually a line of vehicles) all within 2-3 ’ of the vehicle in front of them.
Yes, Mike, I noticed that ‘‘flashing every time’’ crap while visiting my daughter back east. Yet I never see it out here in the wide open western high desert ( I40 New Mexico/Arizona, I25 New Mexico, I17 Arizona or anywhere ).
And to top it off it’s always a high end Beemer or Mercedes type driver who honestly BELIEVES they own the road.
There is no calming that driver, right now , today as we drive !
There was no calming me today as I became a very aggravated - on the verge of aggressive - driver. (I’m sure some people would have called my “activities” aggressive. See, I still don’t know what people mean by that).
I was on an interstate. Two lanes in each direction. Its got heavy truck traffic and is a little hilly so there can be a typical “slinky” going on a lot of the time. I was in a line of 3 cars in the left lane behind a truck passing another truck. We were all out there to pass the truck. That’s fine. It happens all of the time. Those guys in the trucks simply can’t always keep up the speed but do have to pass. So it takes them a while and I bide my time. There is no stupidity or mal intent in it.
I had a typical “3 second rule” following distance. The guy right in front of me was tailgating the car in front of him - completely hot and heavy on the guy’s bumper. The truck finally got past and went back the right (as every responsible driver should do). The next guy passed that truck and pulled to the right. The tailgater in front of me then proceeded to pull NEXT TO the car he was just tailgating and paced him for the better of 2-3 miles.
This is a 70mph highway. The average speed is 75 and that is where my cruise control had been set. This twit in front of me proceeded to ride for this 2-3 miles at 70mph right next to this other car. Sorry folks, but by this time I am fuming - no FUMING!! This is dangerous and irresponsible driving. I closed my distance which I hate to do. I then rode over toward the right a little. Then toward the left a little. As you know this is “car-body” language for “are you going to actually pass and get the H!@# out of the way, or what?” This guy didn’t seem to notice.
When he finally sped up just a little and I had enough room, I finally blew into the right lane and passed him. )What appeared to be me weaving and following too close and then using the right lane to pass, I’m sure would be interpreted by some as “aggressive driving.”) Just as I got past him he was now up to 75. I was not going to get behind him again the next time he had a whim, so I now ended up at a little less than 80 which is not an uncommon speed on this road. He then proceeded to hang in the left lane for about the next 4 or 5 miles about 100 yards behind me at 80mph.
You know what. Sorry - I get really really mad at other drivers when I’m on the road. And I’m not sorry that I do. I’m not going to apologize about it or change my ways to be tolerant of complete and utter stupidity and carelessness.
So I guess I’ll just reiterate. Whatever it is people want to call “aggressive driving” - if its a concern look far beyond whatever “individuals” you want to select as the “bad apples.”
“And to top it off it’s always a high end Beemer or Mercedes type driver who honestly BELIEVES they own the road.”
Around here, a lot of pick-up truck drivers and utility van drivers are extremely aggressive. And don’t forget the drivers in their 15 year old Hondas and Toyotas. I don’t encounter many crazy BMW or Benz drivers. BTW, I drive a 7 year old Honda. In a few short years I’ll qualify!
Interesting issue! This is akin to a Christian praying for peace in church, then kicking a homeless person on the way to the car.
To me, a goal of the meditative practice is to PRACTICE! This means not only finding inner peace during reflection but exercising it in the real world. Righteous indignation is one of our favorite self-justifying emotions and where better to use it than on the road?
Seriously, a next step for the gentleman is to expand and extend his work into those realms where it “ain’t so easy”.
Peace.
Being mad at people for doing things on the road that are clearly dangerous and often illegal is not a matter of righteous indignation. And I’m not talking about those labeled “aggressive” doing the dangerous and illegal things. I’m talking about those who bring out the anger for doing those things. I might feel pity instead, but the ignorant and dangerous ones are often feeling quite righteous about their ignorance.
Walt Disney did a Goofy cartoon on this same subject in 1950. It’s a classic.
@Clig, yeah I’ve seen that quite a bit. Some people just can’t stand to have anyone else in “their” lane or else they want someone else to run interference for them. I always get over after I pass but drives me nuts when the guy following me just continues on in the left lane with no other traffic in sight.
Cigroller, if you were “FUMING” and then felt the need to do all that typing about it, you’re an aggressive driver.
Well littlemouse, if what you say is true then I’d rather be an “aggressive” driver than an unsafe one. Nothing that I did was unsafe. (Well, no more unsafe than driving at all). The other driver was creating very unsafe conditions on the roadway for everyone around him. But I doubt anyone would call what he did “aggressive.”
I’ll recommend to Joyce that she consider buying Frank a Nintendo PS3 or Microsoft Xbox and the Grand Theft Auto or Gran Turismo games and let him do all his driving at home.