what if the Bard was a call-in radio host?
"Welcome to Bard Talk. Call 1-800-2b-ornot2b. Hello. Bard Talk. You’re on the air…"
Caller: “I’m in love with this guy, but our families hate each other. What should I do?”
"DUMP HIM!..Hello. Bard Talk. You’re on the air…"
Caller: “I’m a Roman emperor, but I fear my Senators are plotting to kill me. What should I do?”
"TWO WORDS: NORTH DAKOTA!..Hello. Bard Talk. You’re on the air…"
Caller: “Why do my thumbs prick everytime something wicked comes my way?”
“PUT LIME IN THE COCONUT. DRINK IT ALL DOWN. CALL ME IN THE MORNING!..Hello. Bard Talk… You’re on the air…”
Caller: "I want to trade my kingdom for a horse. Good idea?
“GET A LIFE!!!..1-800-2b-ornot2b. Hello. Bard Talk. You’re on the air…”