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  • edited June 2007
    Just this morning Tom and Ray embarassed themselves when they failed to comprehend a satirical Letter to the Editor from the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, trading in the "Arkansans are stupid" meme while displaying a monumental lack of insight into the English language.

    Fellas, we Arkansans understood it was satire.

    How dumb are you?

    Roger Hall
    Little Rock, AR
    Saturday, June 2, 2007
  • edited June 2007
    I will second that opinion. I too read the Arkansas Democrat/Gazette and to imply that the editor of the "Voices Page" also could not comprehend what the writer was saying, says a lot about what some think of the average Arkansan. Please do not judge all of us by Bill and Hillary!!
  • edited June 2007
    I was thinking of posting something like this earlier today no less.
    My tale begins a few days ago when I last had my Chevelle out, monday. I had my headlights turned on because it was getting kinda dark outside when I was driving home, and I'm kinda anal about driving with my headlights on anyways. well, I pull into the garage and I coulda swore I pushed the lever back in. I get in it today(saturday) to go to town, but it wasn't even making any noise. I look over and the lever had been pulled out, my headlights were on until the battery died. Well, luckily enough my driveway is done up in a way that I could pull my civic up in the grass and push my chevelle out of the garage and put them side by side. I get the chevelle started up fine and let it run a few minutes while I re-situate the civic in my driveway. I take the car out for a nice long drive(over 10 miles) to the grocery store(atleast it's not a TOTAL garage queen :P ) hoping the alternator would have charged up the battery enough. Well, I was inside for a few minutes, ran into one of my old friends from school(feels weird saying that, but it has been almost 10 years now) and chatted with him for a bit and show off my car. I go to start it up for him and his girlfriend to hear, but the battery had died again. Told him he was a curse cause I think the last time I seen him my civic's battery had died and I needed a jump then too. So, after I get jumped, I take it out to Advance auto parts and go in asking about their battery test. It wasn't even 5 minutes later after she hooked it to the machine, she said it was too low to test, so I got a new battery for it. I had been out there less than an hour before hand to grab some oil and tranny fluid for said Chevelle and I had a nagging feeling I should got a battery when I was there. But it was kind of a good thing because they put the battery in for free.

    Now, if someone could tell me why my right turn signal won't blink when I have my headlights on, but will blink if I don't have them on....... :P
  • edited June 2007
    Here's one for ya! A true story my sister just told me. My brother-in-law loves restoring any car sporty and foreign. He has been working on this Lotus in his garage for a while now. He needed to check some electrical stuff, so he got out his meter and grounded it to a wire near the bumper. Been working with the meter on this wire for a month before he noticed a little foot popping out near it. With further inspection, he finally realized he had grounded his meter to a dead rat's tail! He claimed it looked just like a braided wire. Now he knows what that bad smell was..
  • edited June 2007
    Wonder if it was alive at the time, he just didn't notice it.
  • edited June 2007
    i am not part of this story so i'll tell it, its not a specific story but a string, about my famlies 5 colored impalia, this was my grandfathers last car(god rest his soul) and i inherited it, however i did not have a license at the time so my family drove it along with my aunt, fist it was white, factory color, then my aunt got a led reverse, and half the back bumper went black, then my mtoher had a led foot period, and you know those big concrete poles painted bright yellow to warn you they're there, got that on the front, then my older sister decided it needed some grey and ran into some cinder blocks that later i couldn't brush off, imbedded i guess, then we got some orange plastic hanging off the undercarrige from some hazzard grandfather left me a buetiful car, my family didn't, hope this was funny enough for you
  • edited June 2007
    #1 Bought an ear of sweet corn at a street festival in Iowa. Need salt, pepper, and of course, plenty of melted butter. The vender had provided a bottle of clarified liquid butter, so I put a big dab on, and took a bite. Tasted a little funny, so I took another bite. Still funny, so I looked at the bottle. Liquid hand soap.

    #2 My uncle had a bottle of mint flavored mineral oil. His college roommate found it, liked it, drank the full bottle. Some time later, he had to pass gas, or so he thought.

    #3 Customer is looking for a place to dash his cigerette. I offer him an empty soda can. He is reluctant, afraid that someone will drink it. No problem, the can is nearly empty, it's my soda.

    Several days later, my cousin, who had a bad habit of finishing off other's drinks, found the can. Ghaak!, his cheeks puff out, and he makes a mad rush for the door.
  • edited June 2007
    The headlights/flasher question is pretty easy. Look for a ground problem.
  • edited June 2007
    Dear Tom & Ray -

    My amazing mother very capably and wonderfully juggled a home, husband, four children, pets and all of the various activities, boo boos and surprises that came with the each and every one of us. Suffice to say she was always very busy and usually doing several things at once.

    Occasionally would we hear her cry out in horror when she was in the bathroom ... that's when we knew that Mom had mistaken the Desitin Ointment for toopaste - again.

    Margaret Gibson
    Monroe, WA
  • edited June 2007
    My dad used to tell this tale about my brother Jerry, who, at age five,would watch Dad shave and put on hair oil. He liked the fragrant goo the barber put on him at the shop, too. So one day, he climbed up to the medicine cabinet and found some kind of liquid to put in his hair and Dad found him dancing and howling. Turned out it was Sloan's Liniment, probably 100% alcohol, plus some other irritants like menthol; good for ankle sprains but not for the scalp.
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